I’m going to get real with you all today. Last night was one of those “want to scream the “f” word repeatedly/cry/briefly consider running away” kind of nights. My three year old and 11 month old are sick with a cold. Neither of them can breathe and therefore cannot sleep. My three year old, Livi, has an unhealthy obsession with a particular mole I have on my stomach. (what in the?? why???) Whenever she is sick or tired or needs comfort she just wants to rub the heck out of it. I don’t understand it. But I do loathe it. It can be tolerable in very brief encounters. But when she is sick+tired+needs comfort it equals an entire night of tiny hands furiously rubbing my stomach while mouth breathing and flipping around my body. This in and of itself may not be so terrible but I also breast feed my 11 month old, Fifi. When Fifi is sick+tired+needs comfort it equals an entire night of fitful, fussy,never truly asleep, nonstop nipple suckling-which is horrendously irritating to the breasts-. So when combined we have a semi-conscious baby/toddler wrestling match happening on top of me, for the right to own certain territories on me. All the while continuing to extract comfort from me in the form of torturous contact. And I lay there thinking all I want is to sleep and have no one touch me ever again for as long as I live.
That kind of night. The kind of night that makes you question if you are even a person anymore…
One day, after a night like that, I was feeling particularly sorry for myself and I went to see my mom. (We never grow out of needing momma comfort) I told her I don’t even feel like a person anymore. With a laugh she offered me some very encouraging words. She told me “Of course you’re a person! You are just choosing to lay yourself down to serve your family. Even offering your body up for them. It is a blessed work. You are your children’s comfort and peace. They know they are loved and secure. What better thing could you do?”
What better thing could I do? Nothing. There is nothing better. Mothers. We all know we would throw ourselves in front of a bus to save our children. We would do anything to spare them or rescue them. We would gladly give our lives for them. But guess what momma? You are doing that every day. Every time you lay down your own needs, wants and desires to serve them you spare them, you rescue them, you save them.
Mothers. I love you. You are doing a blessed work.
All my love,
Photo credit Scott and Borgman ZITS